Parenting is a very serious and socially highly responsible job. This is not something that we could necessarily learn from the books and articles like this one. It comes more from learning by practice and through direct examples at the time of growing in a family. However, since there are some of the things missing in our understanding of our responsibilities to our children and the society at large, we felt like putting down some thoughts and sharing them with all on the most important subject ever.
I think we all agree on one thing that, there are no bad children. But there definitely can be bad parents. Parents need to set examples for their children. Our responsibilities start when there are two prospective life partners that come together to plan a family. Nature has endowed us with certain innate traits that we are born with. These traits are peculiar to women and men. In a broader sense these can be called the Mother and Father Principles respectively. While the Mother Principle refers to the power of love, compassion, sweetness, open and large hardheartedness, the Father Principle relates to security, strength, guidance, dignity and moral character. There, however, is no watertight compartmentalisation of these qualities and character traits. These qualities become the integrated persona of parents. Once a woman and man decide to be together, the integration starts working immediately thereafter.
The Mother Principle in the woman drives her to look for the qualities of Father Principle in her man but out of all the qualities she looks for is security. This security is not for herself but for the family they are going to build. Therefore women are generally not driven by the superficial attributes of the Father to be. They are more attracted to the ability in him to provide for the family. Since money and wealth play an important role, it is just a default setting in her nature that she would grant some points to this aspect of her would be life partner. At the same time, man is generally driven towards his prospective life partner wherein he finds a person full of love and compassion. The problems in a family start when the priorities change between the partners and when the couple are driven more by the material side of life than love.
In order to bring up good children the parents have to be extremely cautious right from the moment they come together to conceive a child. Let this happen through a natural process rather than getting into too much of planning and taking a calculative approach. The process should start out of love and not from some mechanical physical interaction born out of a momentary attraction. In this process it is not the physical pleasure that should decide and govern the happening but a deep love which the two feel for each other. This feeling does not originate below navel but well above that and with the combined effect of heart and the upper abdomen that gives us the feeling of fulfilment. The fulfilment is again not of the physical act but that of the two hearts coming together to fulfill their obligation to the laws of nature. When parents live as per this law, they create a balanced life, nurture a healthy child and create a strong family. Such a strong family is the bedrock of a good society and nation.
Once the Mother – to-be has conceived, she should be leading a life full of love, contentment, satisfaction and above all security. If into some spiritual pursuit then this is your time as a couple to get into it together and follow an easy and content lifestyle. The period following the moment of the formation of foetus in the womb and for rest of your life is the beginning of a new life for both of you. Always remember every cell building up in your child is a very powerful receiver and fully alert to all that is happening in her/his surroundings and in the lives of her/his parents. Even if the Father is thousands of miles away and going through an experience this child is going to be affected.
When the child is born it is again very important for both the parents to be together most of the time. The reason being that if the separation gives a feeling of insecurity, even for a short moment, to the Mother, the child registers it quickly and could then feel equally insecure. Mother and Father should every now and then hold the child close to their hearts as often as possible. This would make the child’s heart strong and secure. As parents we should not be in a hurry to wean her/him away from Mother. The worst thing we could do to a child is to put her/him into a separate room. The child should always be kept close to Mother’s heart, in physical proximity. When we do this the child would grow into a balanced personality with a strong heart. It is behind the child’s central heart or sternum bone, lies the area where all the anti-bodies get formed during the period of growth. These anti-bodies build upto the age of twelve and are the greatest protectors of the child for the rest of the life. They protect the child from all internal and external threats like diseases and physical harm.
A child thus grows into a highly secure, loving, strong and a compassionate personality. Such a child is better prepared for the life ahead.
Apart from what we have discussed above what in your opinion could be the other reasons for a child to feel insecure? What leads to the child growing into an aggressive and a violent personality? We will discuss this and some other aspects in the next article. If there are some specific issues that you would like to be covered, do write back. However, if you stay tuned in you will find that in the series of articles we plan to discuss all the fundamentals of parenting and building a good family.
With All the Love and Best Wishes for building a great family,