Physical Connection or Instant Gratification

We almost all need both physical connection AND on occasion instant gratification, but in MY mind the two are so far apart in how we respond to the results, in OUR minds.

Of course, in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Sex falls into the Physiological banding. However, I believe it also strongly appears in Love/Belonging, Esteem and Self- actualization. But maybe not to all of us.

Physical connection between human beings matters


This subject is something that I’ve thought about many times over the years in my relationships and other relationships that I observe and try and work out what the real connection is between a couple.

As a teenager, or young adult starting out in the sexual world, I don’t think physical connection is considered and it is more about clumsily experimenting, questioning whether ‘this’ or that’ is what one is supposed to be doing, and is it like so-and-so said it was like when they did it.

Now, I’ll stop here for a minute, as this was probably more about how young adults commenced their coital encounters anything before maybe 15 years ago. With pornography being so readily available and accessible, you can only imagine what young men and women expect and aspire to perform, whether comfortable with doing so or not. The same can be said for the older generations for the same reason of consumption, but with more years of experience under their belt, the concentration is hopefully more on mutual satisfaction.

You read so many guides and responses to agony aunt columns that suggest that there should be much more focus on ‘clothed’ physical connection with a great deal of kissing and cuddling. This is all very lovely and has most probably on most occasions been written by an older female that hasn’t been navigated to the millions of pages of pornography accessible to all of any one of our digital devices. I don’t believe this is anywhere near enough for anyone of any gender!

Instant Gratification Doesn’t Create Lasting Happiness

On the subject of esteem, we can very often respond to a knock, dent or lowering in our self-esteem by seeking instant gratification through urgent physical connection. Yes, on a sexual level, one, both or even more parties can be left breathless and satisfied, but what follows can take us back to feeling even lower about ourselves than we did previous to the encounter. So this isn’t the kind of physical connection that I would consider the opposite of instant gratification.

For true Physical Connection to occur, and if it exists it will occur every time there is an encounter, time after time, year after year, there needs to be a meeting of minds.                                                                      

I don’t know whether this needs to be wrapped in love, but it does need to be wrapped in relationship. With that comes respect, appreciation, trust and a willingness to let go and explore.

When this happens, the hormone release that occurs is glorious:

  • Before – in anticipation of the encounter
  • During – the excitement, appreciation of the moment. Allowing the senses to be enhanced through the sights, touch, smells and taste.
  • At the pinnacle – the trust of giving everything, to being vulnerable, to allowing yourself to be as one
  • After – the appreciation, the de-brief of the moment, the almost thankfulness of the encounter and towards the other trusted party.

This is physical connection and is something we should all seek and aspire to.

The health benefits, both physical and mental, should never be underestimated and can enhance anyone’s life – reducing anxiety, increasing happiness, reducing the symptoms of depression (unlike Instant Gratification), increasing esteem as we trust and care for and appreciate each other whether there is true love surrounding the moment, or otherwise!

Harnessing the power of your mind-body connection is how you accomplish your health and wellness goals. The communication between your body and mind is very important for both your physical and mental health.

Is there anything better than this meeting of bodies and minds, mutually benefiting each other bodies and minds?


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