Nothing can appear to be as painful as a break up with someone who you have loved so deeply and have been so intimate with during what you consider to be the magical time that you’ve been together.
The feeling of hurt can be physical, all consuming and take over every part of your life and every thought. You think that your life is over, that you will never get over this and you will feel this pain forever. The onset of depression and loneliness hits you so hard that you’re literally paralysed and can no longer function, let alone be happy, smile, laugh and enjoy life.
You will find that you are consumed by thoughts of what happened? what went wrong? self blame, were they cheating? what is wrong with me? etc etc etc and all of this time your self esteem is being chipped away at, so recovery seems even further away.
Of course, most of the above is not true!
You will repair, get over the break up and move on……as long as you want to and as long as you’re kind to yourself and do the right things and not the wrong things!
Firstly, the feelings you have that you think are loneliness, are emptiness. You have people that love you and care for you – friends, family, colleagues. You think this is loneliness, but you can’t be trusting your feelings right now as you are in the eye of the storm. The true feelings of emptiness will pass in time.
How To Get Over A Breakup
When people say time heals, it is true. Time will heal your pain, but you can help it along the way and the best thing you can do right now is nothing! That’s right, do nothing!
You’ll be desperate to try and do something to try and make things better, but this is futile right now. Like any wound to your body, your body needs time to heal the wound. Your heart and mind are exactly the same and you need to put a sticky plaster over this, like you would a flesh wound and give yourself time to heal.
What you’ll want to do is desperately try and find a way to feel better. This will probably initially be by trying to repair the relationship and get things back on track. If it’s over, you’ll know it’s over. You’ll know that there is no going back, so keep some pride and let it go.
You may also think that you can repair and increase your self esteem by looking for affirmation and desire from another partner. Acting on this can be premature and looking for instant gratification can lead to more pain and a vicious cycle of more damage to your self esteem and hurt for you and the other party involved. The gratification will only be short lived.
So, time will heal.
Retreat to the comfort of your bed and lock yourself away by all means……but not for too long! Do look for the signs of depression, if this time to yourself becomes too extensive.
Watch trash TV and movies, as watching non fiction, real life documentaries and news can have a negative effect on your mood and mental state. You’ll take it all on board and relate to the negatives.
If you can’t watch or read much, try a little every day as your concentration span won’t be working properly whilst you dwell on the past.
As you start to be able to take on more information from literature of movies and TV, celebrate it! Recognise that you’re getting better and be happy about it, it will drive you on.
See it as an opportunity
How do you know that your ex was the best thing that ever happened to you? How do you know that it was the best relationship that you could ever have? You don’t!
You’ll look to the past as you don’t know what the future holds and the future, the unknown, is very exciting.
You can meet new people, you can be selfish. You can do what you want, when you want and where you want. And all of these things are life enriching.
The pain will not last forever, trust me!
And as you get stronger, there is a world of opportunity out there and one to be explored and enjoyed. Nothing has to last forever, but make a pact with yourself to be kind to yourself, and be kind to others. Take calculated risks, seek fun and opportunity. Seek new friendships, new relationships, new hobbies, new experiences.
This is the best thing that has happened to you as for it to end means that something wasn’t right and who wants to be in something that isn’t right?! Not you!
One last step to healing and recovery after a breakup
This practice can be used for every fear, upsetting or negative thought, not just to deal with break ups….
Close your eyes and visualize the scene that is causing you pain, upset or fear.
Now in your head, make the scene more colourful, rich in colour, vibrant, bright and light. Feel the situation and the pain.
Now, still with your eyes closed and focussing on the vision in your head, turn the scene black and white. That’s right, turn in monotone. Everything is bleak and dull. Keep focussing in the black and white. You’re belittling the scene and desensitizing yourself to the pain. Keep focussing in mono and now make the scene get smaller and smaller and shrinking into the distance until it is so miniscule and the non-existent.
Open your eyes, take a few deep breaths and move on. I’m certain that you’re feeling just a bit better. And by keep practicing this technique, you will feel better each time.
Be strong, all is going to be amazing!